Sub Notes

This past semester I was lucky enough to land a pretty sweet gig substitute teaching at a public charter school. If I was not pursuing medicine, I'm pretty sure I would be an elementary school teacher. Needless to say, this semester was a fun peak into what life would be like if I had chosen to teach. While I am still excited to continue with school and further pursue my medical career, I will miss spending my days with a room full of crazy kids who are trying to be on their best behavior while I desperately try to fill their absent teacher's shoes. While my time there was short, here are some lessons learned...

1. When asking how a teacher does a particular activity, be sure to pin point ONE student (it's best to whisper) instead of asking the entire class "Who can tell me how Mrs. X does...blah blah blah?" This open ended query is sure to be met with arms flailing, a plethora of "I KNOW! I KNOWs" and a minimum of 6 little people getting up from their seats and rushing to your aide.

2. If you choose to ignore a student in the throws of a major melt down, remember to keep an eye on her. Especially if said student has long hair. And is prone to crawl under her desk. These actions will help you prevent the following from occurring:

 Student NOT having a melt down: "Miss Day..."

Me: "What's up?"

Student: "I know you told us to ignore Liberty, and I really did try to. But, well...she's stuck."

Me: "...What?"

Cue the entire class (Miss Day included) staring at Liberty, who, in the midst of a Category 5 melt down, managed to wrap her pony tail around the upper leg of her desk, tying herself underneath her desk so tightly, she could no longer move her head. 

3. Make sure to turn in the attendance early enough so as to not upset the attendance gods (aka the front desk ladies) BUT late enough to catch any tardy kids you mistakenly marked absent. (If attendance is turned in too early, you will have to call the attendance gods, and they will have to change the attendance records. This will also result in them being upset.)

4. Never suggest anyone under the age of 7 go anywhere without a buddy. This will result in tears and lots of unnecessary stress for both of you.  

5. Never suggest anyone over the age of 8 go anywhere with a buddy. This will result in weird looks and put any trust you have managed to cultivate in 3.25 hours in serious jeopardy. (Note: ages 7-8 are a gray area and not explicitly covered in the Buddy System Manual. Proceed with caution.)

6. As a 5'2" person, anyone misbehaving student taller than 5'2" (read as 6th grade and above) will require you to employ intimidation tactics other than simply being taller. (See #9.)

7. Be sure to speak clearly. Always. If not, the following (albeit hysterical) conversations are prone to occur:

Me: "Do you usually go by yourself?" Spoken to the "attendance helper."

Student: "Well, normally I just got by Curtis...Sometimes Curt." 

8. Kindergarten teachers have the most patience of any human beings on planet earth. (Following closely is moms with multiple children under all under the age of 3. You know who you are. Stay strong sisters.)

9. The "teacher look" (something that looks hauntingly similar to the more common "older sister glare") is often a much better tool for behavior modification and correction than words, which, if said look is executed correctly, are unnecessary.

10. At some point, working at a school, you will shout the following word in a loud, nasally voice: "WALK."

So, to all of the real teachers out there, I officially and forever salute you. Thanks for loving and teaching our kids and for putting up with the administrative and political crap that comes with the territory. Your salaries will never come close to being what you deserve, your parents will never know the countless hours you put into their child's education, and your kiddos may never realize everything you did for them. But in spite of it all, every year you come back for more. So thanks. :-)

*Names have been changed (to equally weird names) to protect the innocent and underaged.