Elements Combined

It would be impossible for me to make a list of everything I learned and saw during my ten 12-hour emergency department shifts. But, I've been attempting to mentally review my time there now that I have officially completed my 120 hours. So, here are some lessons learned and things remembered.

1. Do NOT under any circumstance make the nurses mad/annoyed. Or remind them they are hungry.
2. If you walk around purposefully, people will think you have a purpose.
3. Drunk people are exponentially more dumb in a hospital.
4. Drunk patients are the worst.
5. Never step on the chest saw cord.
6. Doctors are people.
7. Pitbulls may be dangerous, but they make for some very anatomically educational injuries.
8. In most cases of broken bottles v. frat boy faces, frat boy faces lose.
9. Dumb people should not carry 38's.
10. Those same dumb people should not smoke weed while attempting to handle 38's that "aren't theirs."
11. Patients are people.
12. Teach your children how to dial 911.
13. If you have made the decision to drink all day, make the decision NOT to continue drinking on a poorly gated third story balcony.
14. Its unrealistic to wear Converse shoes while riding a motorcycle and expect to escape an accident with all of your toes.
15. When a trauma surgeon tells you it's time for surgery, it's time for surgery.
16. Sometimes broken necklaces can look like bullets in an X-ray.
17. The ED is a cold place. Wear layers.
18. 97 years old is too old to be jumping on a couch.
19. Neurosurgeons stand out. They just do.
    
20. Scrubs are not flattering.
21. Sometimes the Emergency Department is exactly like ER.
22. Most of the time the Emergency Department is nothing like ER.
23. Defibrillators really do make that Hollywood "charging" sound AND people really do say "clear!"
24. Anesthesiologists have it MADE.
25. XXL wheel chairs are not easy to maneuver.
26. Sometimes miracles do happen.
27. Putting on sterile gloves is SO much harder than they make it look on Grey's.
28. Po-go sticks are good precursors to broken noses.
29. Elmer's glue + gauze = an effective way to remove cactus spines.
    
30. The human body has some very "interesting" smells.
    
31. Chaplains can bring more comfort than doctors and pain meds.
32. 12 hours is a long time.
    

43

“Morgan, will you please hold the phone for him?” the nurse asked me. I quickly took her place and held a clunky white hospital phone up to a middle-aged man’s bloody ear. A ground level fall patient, he had been brought in half an hour earlier after being found collapsed outside of a local Petco where he worked. I stood there, trying to hold the phone to his ear, though he was in a neck collar. I quietly listened to him comfort his wife, telling her that he was fine and to go back to sleep, that she could come in later that morning after she had rested, rather than make the 20 minute drive to the hospital at 3:30 in the morning. After listening to them exchange “I love you’s,” I hung up the phone and finished assisting the nurse drawing blood and running iStats.

An hour later, he was intubated, cathed and sedated awaiting his bed in the ICU. His CT scan had shown a massive brain bleed and no one, including neurosurgery, was hopeful he would wake up. I listened to the nurses and doctors refer to him as 43, his bed number, while I tried to wrap my head around the fact that I had witnessed the last moments of his conscious life. I had held the phone the last time he told his wife he loved her. I had awkwardly patted his shoulder and mumbled reassurances while he unknowingly tried to fight the restraints holding him to the bed. And now he would go up to the ICU, sedated with a plastic tube down his throat, while his wife and son were on their way to say goodbye in a cold and sterile room.

When you work a 12 hour shift, inevitably all the hours begin to run together until nothing in particular sticks out. But patient 43 stuck with me. Maybe it was the randomly tragic nature of the situation or maybe it was something in the way he told his wife he loved her. By the time I returned to the hospital later that week I was still thinking about 43 and how his life had ended so abruptly. Mid shift, on my way back from the lab I heard a familiar voice. “Morgan!” I turned around to see patient 43’s nurse form the shift before. We briefly exchanged “how are you’s” and I asked her if she had any interesting patients. As I turned to walk away she called back, “Hey remember the patient from last week with the bad brain bleed?” I felt my stomach start to sink a little. Here it comes. She went on, “He got better and went home on Thursday.” “Seriously?” I replied, stunned. “Yep.” We both started walking away when she jokingly called back over her shoulder, “Hey, sometimes miracles happen.”

And I know she was joking. But whenever I walk by room 43 I can’t help but think of someone who got better. Someone who went home. And someone who I will always remember as the first miracle I witnessed in medicine.

22

One week from today I will be 22. I can't really believe that just yet, but I guess I still have 7 days to process.

This semester is crazy. From taking 20 credit hours, working at the lab, prepping for the MCAT, starting my Honor's Thesis and working a weekly 12 hour over night shift at a hospital, I basically have no time. The endless hours of studying and chronic sleep deprivation that this past month has brought me have left me feeling burnt out and feeling very disconnected with my friends and family. I've been grouchy. I've been moody. I've almost eaten an entire box of ice cream bars in one week by myself (yeah, they're WW bars but still, points are points people!). But mostly, I have been so completely and whole-heartedly focused on myself. Which is not good. Not to mention ironic, since the whole reason I'm going to school is to pursue a career helping other people. Amidst the late nights, early mornings and multiple cups of Dunkin Doughnuts Coffee (my new fave) the sane, normal side of me has been quietly praying for something, anything to wake me up from this funk. I needed something to remind me that everything going on in my life right now is going on because I put it there. And that maybe, it might not be just as bad as I make it out to be. Maybe. Because the reality is I am where I am at right now because of choices I made. I clicked enroll on all 20 of those credit hours. I applied and got the internship at a hospital. I told by boss 20 hours a week was no problem. I decided to take the MCAT in April. And I am the one who wants me to go to medical school. No other outside, uncontrollable force is pushing all of this on me. Just me. So, today God answered my prayers, even when not all of me knew I was praying to begin with. He reminded me that people everywhere are dealing with real problems. Painful, scary, heart-breaking problems beyond anyone's control but His. Problems bigger than the MCAT. And sleep deprivation. And honors theses. I wish after almost 22 years on this planet I remembered this more often.

God's wake up call came in the form of one very brave little girl. I've been following Kate's story for some time now. Yesterday, after months of improvement and good news, Kate and her family found out that her brain cancer is back.

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I should be living right now
Outside my own little world

Father break my heart for what breaks Yours
Give me open hands and open doors and put
Your Light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me

-Matthew West

Thank you for 22 healthy years. Thank you for the wake up calls. Thank you for being bigger than the MCAT and cancer and life. Thank you for being bigger.

Diet Coke Cake

Just about 2 years ago when I got home from Ireland I decided that I needed to eat better, exercise more and basically just try to be healthier. Anyone who has ever done this knows it is much MUCH easier said than done. And it takes practice. And help. Lots of help. :-) Anyways, while I am by no means a pro when it comes to eating healthy, I have learned some tips and tricks along the way. One of the areas that I still struggle with though is baking. I love LOVE baking (and eating) way to much to give it up entirely so instead I've learned some alternatives to make some of my favorite snacks and treats healthy...ish. Obviously, one of the easiest ways to cut the calories and fat when you're baking is to substitute eggs and butter/oil. But in this next little gem of a recipe, both of these fat-packed ingredients are completely eliminated. So without further ado, I give you (..::drum roll::..) DIET COKE CAKE!!!

Ok, so it sounds ridiculous (and a little gross) but I promise it completely works AND makes a really moist and delicious cake. Besides the fact that is a completely FOOL proof recipe (not to mention cheap, only 2 ingredients!) it doesn't even have half the fat of normal cake. BONUS!!!

But for those hardcore doubters out there, here is an illustrated step-by-step "recipe."

Step 1. Grab a can of diet coke (I am not sure if diet pepsi works but I AM sure that non-diet soda does NOT work) and a chocolate (or dark) cake mix. (If you are making a lighter cake -- like vanilla -- use diet sprite or another clear diet soda.)


Step 2. Mix 'em together...and watch the fun chemical reaction take place. (SCIENCE!!!)

Step 3. Bake as usual.
*Because the cake is slightly more crumbly than normal cake, its best not to attempt a layer cake.
**Also, baking time MAY be a little shorter. So watch closely!


Step 4. Frost, decorate and enjoy the yumminess.


So everyone (and by that I mean my aunt and Shannon), there you have it! Tasty treats that won't ruin your day or add to your waistline. Perfect for a time of year when full-fat delicious goodies are lurking around EVERY corner just waiting to pounce when you least expect it. :-)

Absolutely. Cannot. Wait.

1 Day: 14 hours: 29 minutes

Happy Birthday Jon

Nineteen years and 2 months (give or take) ago today, I remember looking up past my mom's 7 month pregnant belly, and asking her when exactly would my little brother be arriving? Apparently, my 28-month old self had grown tired of the 2:1 parent-child ratio and was very eager to have another playmate.

It's funny that as kids, all we wish for is to be an only child -- the center of our parents lives. We dream of double the Christmas presents, full control of the remote, and fully intact Barbies. But I cannot imagine my life with out the little punk sitting center in the picture above. He is in all my favorite childhood memories. He can make me laugh when no one else can. He's not just my brother, but also one of my closest friends.

So, Happy 19th Birthday Jon. I could not have asked for a better brother.

My 61 Second Break

All the colors
Of the rainbow
Hidden 'neath my skin

Hearts have colors
Don't we all know
Red runs through our veins

Feel the fire burning up
Inspire me with blood
Of blue and green

I have hope
Inside is not a heart
But a kaleidoscope.